*kaosluke

this is a small story representing my life in the past year up to today... its a little artsy and probably really emo but i felt like writing something and this is what came out lol

i just dont know anymore, my life feels too chaotic right now, i am trying to balance it, quell the turmoil in my heart, and find some semblance of peace...

so far all attempts have been futile and the chaos continues, swirling like a vortex threatening to swallow me whole, i merely seek the eye of the storm, the brief respite where i may find what i desire or have it find me, i welcome change but there are a lot of changes that have come all of a sudden and i feel i struggle to keep afloat. I'm not looking for a savior in someone else cause the only one who can truly save me from this is myself. I will strive to take things that come one step at a time, let it be my burden, let it pile upon my shoulders but let me be stronger for it and let me have the power to sort it and restore peace back to my world...

I have made my kingdom in the darkness, a kingdom i keep separate from the world of light. I find shelter in the space i have created and i reign with my own light bringing it to this dark world. I used to be a prisoner in the dark kingdom chained to its center, and my attempts to free myself from it were feeble and showed no progress, i felt lost to the shadows that surrounded me. Then someone brought the light and i had a brief moment where i was free, i felt the light of life and my bonds were broken, if only it had lasted longer. Soon i found myself back in my prison, back chained to the room that held me in place. I felt weak, the shadows of the world felt as if they had woven into me, i felt the darkness had crept into my soul. i felt changed. i felt anger. i felt the beast within awaken and the beasts eyes were filled with fury and hate.

Luckily the rampage of the beast was short lived and the animal i had become subsided, laying dormant in the depths of my soul as it had before. The beast only became dormant when the light returned but was carried by someone new, someone who came into my life with the help of a friend we shared. The darkness stayed away as the person stayed in my life, but she had her own darkness which she resided in and still may, i know not for no longer do we communicate. But when she left the light only faded slightly, for i found a way to finally shine on my own. i went from a small waif of a child in my mind to a warrior strong enough to finally pick himself up, cease his tears and break his bonds and walk freely in the dark. Now i rule the darkness and it does not rule me. The shadows are still there but they stay on the fringes of the light and dare not step foot inside, it is lonely in this kingdom as there is no one who truly is present there except for myself. It is true that i have friends who i am able to let visit my world but i cannot truly invite them in till i am sure of my rule of this kingdom, I hope to bring light to this whole world and let all whom i know and love come with me and hopefully one day i shall find a queen fit to rule with me, strong with her own light not letting her own darkness bring her down. For when we rule together we shall remain strong and should one falter then let the other provide strength and light to keep the sun shining to keep the burden off the others shoulders so they may stand tall beside whom they love.